Matchmaker Matsumoto
by seca
Summary: Rangiku has plans for helping Kira out. Post Soul Society spoilers. shounenai


Title: Matchmaker Matsumoto

Characters: Rangiku, Kira, hinted Gin x Kira, Kira x various

Word Count: 745

Rating: PG

Summary: Rangiku has plans for helping Kira out. Post Soul Society spoilers.

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"Oi, cheer up, Kira," Rangiku says giving her fellow vice-captain a hard slap on the back. "Looking so down in the dumps has never really suited you, you know."

The blond man puts on a feeble smile for his new found friend and confidant. "I'm fine Rangiku, really," Kira tells the busty woman. "I've never been big on smiles anyway."

Rangiku looks at the other shinigami with a pensive expression, then scolds, "That's no attitude to have. Especially if we're gonna get you a new man."

"We're going to what?" Kira exclaims shocked.

"Get you a new boyfriend, of course," the dark blonde woman explains, "Since nothing else seems to be getting you out of your funk, a new man in your life is the perfect cure. I'll be lending you a helping hand so this time you'll get a caring lover, who'll treat you right and doesn't have backstabbing tendencies, like a certain someone we used to know.

"Now I've already done some thorough research into the matter and the vast majority of Soul Society thinks that 'they'd hit that' if it came to you. There's also a strong leaning to your pert butt being your best feature, closely followed by your puppy dog eyes.

"Unfortunately most of those surveyed are either already taken or nowhere near the standards I've made for you. But I have a list of prime candidates for you to choose from, wanna hear?"

"Do I have a choice?" Kira asks defeatedly, realizing it would be easier to let the woman do as she pleases.

"Alright then," Rangiku merrily goes on, as she pulls out a little pink book from her abundant cleavage then opens it to read her list. "First off it's been decided that there isn't a single soul in all of 12th Division that's safe for dating. Akon came close, but due to the general creepiness of 12th Division we're considering him off limits to be on the safe side.

"There really wasn't anyone standout in most of the other Divisions either. Ikkaku from 11th Division was a bit too much on the violent end of things, and Yumichika's too much of a narcissist. Not much to say about 7th Division, other than Iba turned out to be actually straight. The guys in 4th Division are complete pushovers and you need someone more assertive than that. When questioning Renji, who had seemed to be a near perfect match for you, I got really nasty glares from Captain Kuchiki, which I think could be jealousy and you're in no condition to get stuck in a love triangle. Shuuhei also at first seemed to be a great match but his fan club intervened and they're kinda scary. Which leaves really only one guy who'd be perfect for you, my captain, Hitsugaya."

Kira stares at her blankly for a moment letting the words seep in, then face faults. "You want me to date Captain Hitsugaya?"

"Well you're going to have wait a while for him to grow up a bit more so he can at least look legal, but yes, I think you two would make a great couple. That is once he gets out of his angsty teenage stage. But there shouldn't be too much of an issue if you begin laying the ground work for the relationship at this time, especially since you'll be able to beat all potential rivals that he'll attract when he goes from cute to hot."

"But how do you know if he's even gay?"

"That's easy. He's hit puberty and yet he hasn't glued his eyes to these," Rangiku says as she cups her breasts to emphasize her point. "I mean if your mind was being taken over by raging hormones you wouldn't try to avoiding this view unless you're batting for the same team."

Kira coughs politely and turns his gaze away from the area the busty woman was emphasizing. "I don't know Rangiku, I hardly doubt Captain Hitsugaya would have any kind of interest in this sort of thing."

"But he had the cutest reaction to those pictures I have of you naked from the last time you got drunk," she says with a sly wink.

The blond vice captain looks in shear shock and horror at his friend, completely speechless. Rangiku just smiles sweetly and pats his head gently then tells him, "See it's all good. Now if you don't have any objections let's go over the plans I made."


End file.
